Sleeping Violations
by Cats070911
Summary: Barbara is suffering from insomnia. The last thing she needs is Tommy scheming to force her to study for her Inspectors exams. Will this break her, or will they both find peace?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** all usual disclaimers apply. It contains strong sexual reference and minor sexual activity but is not M, more T+.

* * *

"Thank you, Winston."

Tommy Lynley tried to open the door to his office. It was locked. "I'm sure I didn't lock it," he muttered as he reached in his pocket for his keys. He opened it and stepped inside.

"Orrrh."

"What the...?" Tommy stood with his hand still on the door and stared at his sergeant who was lying on his floor with her head on the cushion from his visitors' chair.

"Orrrh."

Tommy shut the door quietly and watched her. Barbara's face was softer in sleep. She looked at peace, something that she rarely did awake. He had not realised how much tension his prickly partner held inside. She had improved over the years, and they had even shared moments of great tenderness, but watching her now, he could see how much further there was to go. Not that he was an expert. Life had battered them both, but Tommy was less concerned about himself.

"Uh." Barbara rolled onto her back.

He knelt down and gently touched her cheek. "Time for sleepy sergeants to wake up."

"Huh?" Barbara opened her eyes slowly. Tommy watched them gradually focus. He smiled as they went wide with alarm. "Sir? What are you doing here?

He shook his head and chuckled softly. "It is my office, Barbara."

She blinked, looked around then sat up. "Err, yes. Sorry. I thought you'd taken Winston to lunch for that heart-to-heart about taking his sergeant's exams."

"I did. We're back."

"I can see that." Barbara scrambled to her feet and put the cushion back on his chair. "What did he say?"

"He said he would do it if you sit your Inspector's exam."

"Agh. I am not going through that palaver."

"That's what I said. I told him you were too scared to sit them."

Barbara put her hands on her hips. "You said what?"

Tommy smiled then sat behind his desk. "You heard me."

Barbara snorted. "What about your next exams?"

"I passed them years ago."

"So why are you still...?" She lowered her head and glared at him. "You're already one, aren't you?"

Tommy pretended to look in his drawer for a pen. "One what?"

"A DCI."

"Would it matter if I was?"

"Yeah, because you never told me."

Tommy looked up. "I'm sorry. It was just after the Thomson case, and..."

"That was nearly three months ago."

"Yes, I..." He did not want to say why. He was not sure he knew. It had just not felt right to tell her.

"You didn't want to rub my nose in my failings."

Tommy frowned. "No. You're human and you didn't fail. That's only in your head."

"Then why?"

"I... didn't want you to think of me any differently," he said slowly.

Now Barbara frowned. "I would have been happy for you. I am happy for you."

"Thanks, but it's not a big deal."

She crossed her arms and stared at him. "You still say Inspector Lynley when we interview people."

Tommy continued to hunt in his drawer for a non-existent pen. "Do I?" Tommy had been very careful the way he had managed official interviews and the tapes but it had been hard continually finding excuses for Barbara to join him late after he had started the tape and given his name and rank.

"Are they going to separate us?"

Tommy looked up. She had slumped against his wall. The fear in her voice surprised him. "No," he hastily reassured her. "I made sure of that."

Barbara nodded. "Okay." She did not look convinced.

Tommy stood and walked around his desk. He put his hand on her upper arm and rubbed it gently up and down. "They won't. I will not let that happen, I promise. But you need to sit those exams."

"If I do my exams then they will separate us." Barbara looked up at him then narrowed her eyes. "What aren't you telling me?"

Tommy took a deep breath. "They want me to head a new section focussing on criminal gangs. Of course, I will insist you come too, but... I will be a Superintendent, so..."

"You can't have a lowly sergeant as your partner." She stepped away from him but his hand closed around her arm.

"It's not that at all. There will be six of us and no one will have a specific partner, so we could easily manage it so nothing much changed. But the 2IC position is for an Inspector. You deserve it and... I nominated you to Hillier."

"Without asking me? How dare you?!" She struggled to pull free.

Tommy stepped in front of her and wrapped his arms around her. "Because I..." She stopped dead and looked up at him, her eyes soft but full of confusion. He smiled then released her. "I'm sorry. I should have told you."

Barbara shook her shoulder as if shaking off the feel of him. "When are the next exams?"

"Three weeks."

"Three weeks! I can't learn everything in three weeks."

"You know most of it. Inspector exams are easier than sergeant exams. You just need to polish up a bit. I can help you."

"I'll think about it." Barbara turned and walked towards the door.

"Why were you asleep at lunchtime?"

"I haven't been sleeping well." She opened the door.

"Barbara shut that door and come back here."

She closed and turned but did not step forward. "I feel like I've been sent to the principal's office."

"Don't. I'm not angry, I'm worried. Is something bothering you?"

"No."

"That wasn't very convincing."

"I... do you ever look in the mirror and ask how you ever let yourself get to this point? Wonder about what your life could have been?"

Tommy frowned then nodded. "Yes, I do."

"And how do you cope?"

"Whisky."

"Yeah, that'd really help."

"Sometimes it does." Tommy stood and walked over to her. He wanted to comfort her in some way. "Barbara, that sort of thinking can be very self-destructive. I don't have answers, but I can listen if that will help."

She shook her head. "I... don't have the words. It's just since the Thomson case... I can't trust myself, and I don't sleep well. I don't sleep much at all."

"My office is always available, but I might have to start charging for the use of that cushion."

Barbara gave him a weak smile. "Rip off merchant. That's as hard as a bloody rock and your floor is worse."

"My bed is soft."

Barbara opened her mouth then snapped it shut. "Good for you," she said eventually.

Tommy had not meant to say that. It had slipped from his subconscious to his vocal cords without going via his brain for checking. It sounded like he had just propositioned her, which was not an abhorrent thought, but certainly an unexpected one, and one that was inappropriate in his office. "I meant my spare bed. If you are having trouble sleeping at home, a change of scenery might do you good. You could come over tomorrow night and stay for the weekend. I could help you study for those exams."

She looked up at him with a mix of gratefulness and defiance. "I haven't said that I will take them yet."

"Think about it. You can let me know tomorrow."

* * *

Sergeant Havers arrived at work and tucked her rucksack under her desk. As usual, Barbara had slept for no more than an hour. Her had mind churned the issues as she considered Tommy's offer. She wanted to be in his new squad, and she wanted to be his 2IC. After all this time, she needed whatever it was they shared. The thought of not being with him each day, not solving problems together, and him not needing her was unbearable. She had to pass that exam. She had taken the Tube fearing that if she drove, she might change her mind. She still had that option. It depended on how the day went. It was after all just about him helping her study, and hopefully sleeping more soundly.

When Tommy walked through the door he smiled but she sensed something was on his mind. "Morning, Sir."

"Good morning, Barbara. Did you think about my offer?"

She nodded, aware that her skin felt hot. "I have my bag."

"Excellent." His smile wiped away the hesitation he had worn when he walked in. Had he feared she would say no? And why would that matter to him? He stood looking at her as if expecting her to say something more.

Barbara finally spoke. "Right, well I had better get on with the background checks on Jenkins."

His brow briefly furrowed. "Yes, yes of course. The team briefing is at nine." He gave her another quick smile then went to his office.

* * *

All day Tommy fretted that Barbara might change her mind. He had tried to work out why this weekend mattered so much. Partly it was that he wanted her to do well in her exam. He also hoped she might sleep better. The issue that disturbed him was that he wanted her there because it would make him feel better. He had learned to live with the loneliness but being with Barbara soothed a deeper need. With her, he felt more alive and open to a world he preferred to shut out which was ironic given everyone thought they disappeared into their own private world.

Barbara knocked on his door just after five. "Ready?"

He looked up and smiled as he shut down his computer. "Of course. Why don't we go home and settle you in, then head to my local for a few pints and dinner?"

"I thought you would have me studying all night."

"Plenty of time for that. I think you should relax first. You look tired."

"Yeah, last night was a bad one. I didn't get to sleep until after three, and woke at four fifteen."

Tommy frowned. "Then I insist on a peaceful evening and getting you off to bed nice and early."

Barbara grinned at him. "Yes, Dad."

* * *

The evening was longer than Tommy had expected. They enjoyed steak and chips, albeit with a watercress salad that Barbara rolled her eyes at. Over a few pints, they talked about the exam. Back at his house, they stood by the fire and continued with a few fingers of his smoothest Scotch. The conversation turned more personal when Barbara confided that she had not slept well since being wrong about Tania.

"It's like she haunting me. I can't stop her, I can't even touch her. It's just a menacing presence that keeps me awake."

"Thinking about her?"

"Yeah, and life in general, us..."

"Us?" The hair on his neck prickled.

"How it's affecting how we work together."

Tommy took a sip of whisky to calm his nerves. A nagging feeling she was about to leave him knotted his stomach. "It hasn't. Not from my perspective."

"I... I've lost my confidence. I check and recheck everything. I am afraid to say anything in case I'm wrong."

Tommy put his tumbler on the mantle then put his arm around her shoulder. When she leant into him slightly, he took her glass and put it down, then guided her around to face him. "You are the best police officer I have met, Barbara. Your instincts are good, and you have been right about people much more frequently than I have. You can learn from Tania, but you have to move on."

Barbara nodded. "I know, but I can't seem to do it."

Tommy stroked her arm."You can talk to me about it. Tell me what you're feeling. Sharing will help."

"Like talking to me about your grief helped you?" Barbara shoved her hand against his chest and pushed him away. She grabbed her glass with both hands and took a gulp. It rattled against her teeth.

She may as well have slapped him. Tommy recoiled at the underlying viciousness of her accusation. He knew he had shut her out, but he had not understood how much that had hurt her. "I was trying to protect you."

"From what?"

"My dark side. My inner demons. My... weaknesses."

"Yeah, well they came back to haunt you."

Tommy winced. He picked up his drink and downed it in one gulp. "Yes. I was wrong and I acted foolishly, but you were still there to pick up the pieces. Don't make my mistake, Barbara. Don't shut out the people who care about you. All I was saying is that I am here for you. You don't always have to be the strong one. Just talk to me."

Barbara put her glass onto the table. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm just mentally exhausted. I... don't know what's up with me." She sat on the chair and rested her head in her hands.

"Nothing. Well, nothing bad. You just need some rest and support."

"Says the man who piled on a heap of stress by making me sit these exams."

"I'm truly sorry. I should have asked, but no time will ever be a good time. Sometimes you have to just muck in and face it."

Barbara straightened and looked at him. "Muck in? That sounds so... public school."

Tommy groaned. "I can't change my education. Would you prefer me to adopt an East End accent?"

Barbara grinned at him. "It would be fun, but no, I like your voice as it is."

"Then we should go upstairs. I have something I would like to give you." He ignored her quizzical look. He had heard how it sounded, and if he was honest, he would like that too, but for her sake, he hurriedly explained. "Some tapes I recorded while I was studying for my Inspectors exam."

"Oh," Barbara said. Did he detect a trace of disappointment? "Yes, that might help."

"Finish your drink then we should get some rest. I thought we would start Procedure, Rules of Evidence and Leadership in the morning."

"Slave driver."

* * *

Barbara looked at the dictaphone and pile of tapes he had given her. It was typical of him to be so organised and to have kept them. She left them on the table beside her battered Police Manual and changed into her pyjamas. She was exhausted, and he had not been lying about his spare bed. It was soft and yet supportive. Pulling up the sheets in one place she felt underneath. It was memory foam topped with gel. She climbed in, switched off her bedside light, and snuggled down.

After twenty minutes, Barbara groaned. Sleep was as elusive here as it was at home. She turned on the light and put a tape labelled 'Evidence' into the machine. She found the earphone jack and plugged in the earbuds then adjusted them for comfort before hitting play.

"Evidence. Relevant and admissible evidence. One. Evidence may be proved by calling witnesses (witness evidence); producing documents (documentary evidence); or producing things (real evidence). Two. In considering the evidence needed to ensure a conviction, you should be concerned with: relevance; admissibility; and weight. Evidence must be..."

His voice was soothing. Deep, rich, slightly hesitant in parts yet sounding confident and in control - his reading mimicked his speech patterns. Sometimes in the car, she would drift away on his voice, not listening to his words but only to the sounds. This time she needed to listen and learn, but his voice made her sleepy. Well, not sleepy as such, but relaxed. She closed her eyes.

Barbara woke with a start. All she could hear was static. She pulled out her earbuds and threw the dictaphone onto the bed. She scrambled up into a sitting position and hugged her knees. Nothing worked. She wanted to scream. Every muscle ached and all she wanted was sleep. She had heard of sleep deprivation leading to suicide, and she understood why. She was being driven insane. The need for peace and release was overwhelming.

"Sleep, I just want to sleep."

Sleep did not come, but tears did. Long, wracking sobs shook her. Her frustration, loneliness, and failure liquified.


	2. Chapter 2

Tommy jumped in his bed. He had dreamt that Barbara was high on a cliff above him. As he waved and called out to her, she slowly tipped forward and fell past him. He turned to watch her splatter on the rocks below but was jolted awake before she reached the bottom. He rose and went to splash water on his face. Tommy hated his nightmares, but this was a frightening new one. It would be impossible to get back to sleep without knowing Barbara was safe. He opened his door and padded silently across the hall to her room. He was about to open the door when he heard her sobbing.

"Barbara, are you all right?" he called through the door.

"Sorwee."

Tommy opened the door slowly. Barbara was sitting in the foetal position with tears running down her face. He rushed over. Sitting beside her, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her to his chest. Initially, she tensed before melting against him. He patted her back hoping to reassure her. "Hey, it's okay. You're safe. What happened?"

"I was listening to your tape and fell asleep."

"That's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Yes, but the tape stopped and I woke up and... and... I can't take any more. I'm exhausted. I think I am going nuts. The only way I will ever sleep is to die."

Tommy shuddered and pulled her closer. "No. I won't let that happen. We will beat this, Barbara."

"Help me, Sir. Help me."

"I will. I promise." He wrapped both arms around her and held her while she cried out all her pain.

A few minutes later her body stopped shaking, and her crying eased back to a few sniffly tears. "I'm sorry."

Tommy tilted her chin up so she could see him. "There is absolutely no need to apologise. I know what chronic insomnia can be like. It slowly crushes you. Let me get you some tissues. Would you like to wash your face?"

Barbara nodded. "Ta."

Tommy eased her back against her pillows. He stood. The front of his dressing gown was saturated. He took it off and tossed it on the floor. He fetched a glass of water, a box of tissues and a wet flannel from her ensuite. "Here wash your face then have a drink."

"Thank you. I'm sorry for waking you, but I am grateful you found me. I... needed that."

"My nightmares woke me, not you. I came over to check on you, and I'm glad I did. You should have come over and woken me. I don't want you suffering through this alone." He sat on the edge of the bed. "Would you like to talk about it?"

She shook her head. "I don't know what to say. I just can't sleep and it's... so... draining. I feel like one of those clocks when the battery is almost dead and the hand just jerks in the same place and can't move forward."

"Would it help if I stayed with you?"

She shrugged. "It might if you could keep talking to me all night."

Tommy smiled at her. "I'm not sure if I should feel flattered or not having such a soporific voice."

"Feel flattered."

Tommy pushed some hair out of her eyes. "I can talk to you until you fall asleep, and if you wake up, I will talk to you until you're sound asleep again."

Barbara gave him a broad but sad smile. "Thank you, but you don't have to. I don't want to be a burden."

"You're not. I didn't want to be a burden to you once either, and I should have swallowed my pride and let you help me. Don't repeat my mistakes, Barbara. Let me help you."

She nodded. "Thank you."

Tommy kicked off his slippers and climbed in beside her. She looked startled. "I'm not sitting up all night." He stretched out. "Now, snuggle down here where you'll be more comfortable."

Barbara looked at him then slowly eased herself over and into his arms. "Are you sure?"

"Positive. Comfy?"

"Yeah."

Tommy felt guilty that lying like this felt good. Far too good. He was supposed to be comforting her, not himself. He pulled her closer. "Now what would you like me to talk about?"

"I dunno. Tell me about... your childhood."

"Yes, well that would put anyone to sleep."

She looked up at him. "No, I'd like to know."

Barbara deserved to know more about his past. He made a show of sighing as if it was all far too boring. "Alright, but be warned. Sleep will be instantaneous."

"At the moment, that would be very welcome, and no reflection on you or your childhood adventures."

Tommy chuckled. "Okay. Once upon a time, an Earl and his beautiful young wife had a child. The baby was healthy, but a rather loud boy who protested at everything from being picked up to being breastfed. His elder sister had been an ideal baby and their son and heir was a right royal pain in the arse."

Barbara laughed. "Who would ever have believed that of you, Sir?"

"Huh, thanks very much. Anyway, his weary parents decided to have the irritable babe christened Thomas after the doubting, and presumably equally annoying apostle."

"It means twin."

"It does, yes, but whose story is this? You're supposed to be falling asleep."

"Sorry. Go on."

"Thomas seemed too harsh for a little baby, so they started calling him Tommy. Now little Tommy was quite a handful..."

* * *

Barbara listened not only to his voice but his words. His childhood running around the cliffs and beaches of Cornwall sounded carefree and happy until he had left for Eton. Tommy described his schooling as an expectation and obligation.

"Did you want to go to Eton?" she asked.

"I had grown up knowing it would happen, so I don't think I ever thought about alternatives, but I didn't particularly want to leave Howenstowe. You're not asleep. Should I talk about police procedures?"

Barbara sighed. "Maybe I will never sleep again."

His arms tightened around her. "Yes, you will. Shall I continue my story? I guarantee my Eton years will bore you."

"Yeah. Ta."

This time the lyrical quality of his voice overwhelmed her curiosity about his childhood. Slowly, she drifted to sleep.

* * *

Tommy woke but did not open his eyes. Barbara was still in his arms and snoring softly and for the first time in years, he felt at peace. After all she had been through, he did not want to wake her. It took him a few seconds to realise where his hand was resting. A warm surge of guilty adrenaline flushed his body. His hand was cupping her breast. He could feel everything through the cotton of her pyjamas. Her breast was full and heavy, and delightfully firm. He had no idea how his hand had found its way there, but he could not move it without the risk of waking her. Barbara's hand was over his fingers, holding them in place. Guilt again overtook his fear. He had inadvertently taken advantage of her when she was exhausted. It had never been his intention. He had just wanted to hold her close and keep her safe.

Tommy tried to think his way out of his dilemma. Barbara would be mortified if she woke to find his hand there. He had to move it, but with her hand clutching his, it was tricky. He opened his fingers to reduce the contact then slid his palm slowly over her breast towards her stomach. The friction caused her nipple to harden. Barbara let out a long sigh. Tommy stopped moving. He told himself it was so she did not wake, but he also knew he wanted to prolong the contact. He waited nearly a minute before he started to slide his hand again. Barbara grumbled and shifted and, to his relief, her hand fell away. He took a few seconds to gradually release the pressure on her breast before he too removed his hand and settled it on her hip. He listened to her breath. It was even and deep. She had not woken.

Unable to sleep, he considered what had happened, and more importantly, his response. Lately, he had thought a lot about what it would be like to be in a romantic relationship with Barbara. His contemplation had focussed mainly on overcoming her likely list of objections. He feared it would be a long, but worthwhile, process. They often ate together, and he had started to extend that to evenings at restaurants and not just the local pub. He had even convinced her to attend a new play with him, and they had tentatively planned to go to the release of a new movie she wanted to see in a couple of weeks. Was that dating? To him, yes, it probably was, but would Barbara understand that? He sighed. And then there was the issue of how to turn that into something more romantic. How would she respond if he kissed her? He had been more openly affectionate in recent months taking every opportunity to drape his arm around her shoulder or take her hand to help her in and out of cabs. She never objected, but she never returned his touch. Was that because she was scared? Or did she simply not want to touch him? Did she find him attractive? Just because other women fell at him, it did not mean she would. He was attracted to her, but oddly, he had not given her body much detailed thought. He had dreamt about making love more from an emotional perspective than a physical one. Somehow he had assumed the physical part would simply work itself out because he loved her and hoped she loved him. Tonight he had breached a barrier that had opened a range of feelings he had suppressed. It frightened him that he could not imagine ever sleeping without her again. Now he had to decide how to pursue his desire when Barbara felt better.

* * *

Barbara woke to find Tommy's hand on her hip. She smiled. Earlier she had woken when he had started fondling her breast. He was snoring lightly, so she knew it was accidental. Even so, it was comforting. For a brief moment, she could pretend her gorgeous boss was hers. She had put her hand lightly over his and drifted back to sleep.

* * *

It was nearly ten o'clock by the time Tommy woke again. He was on his back. Barbara was still lying in his arms but had rolled to face him and had her arm across his stomach. Her breath tickled his chest as she snored quietly. His arm had pins and needles where the circulation was impeded by her head in his shoulder. He slowly slid it up until it was free and her head was resting on his pillow. Barbara grunted then spun over to face the other way. Tommy wanted to follow and continue to hold her, but he also needed the bathroom. Reluctantly he rose.

When he returned, Barbara was awake. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't. How long have you been up?"

"About five minutes."

She yawned. "What time is it?"

"Almost ten. You slept for over ten hours. How do you feel?"

"Better, but foolish. I'm sorry about last night. I was just so... overtired and..."

"Don't be sorry. I was glad to help. I do know what insomnia is like. Do you want to sleep some more or would you like brunch?"

"Brunch I think. Otherwise, I might not sleep tonight and the cycle will begin again."

Tommy nodded. "That's true. Brunch it is. I'll have a quick shower in my room then would you like porridge or eggs?"

"Eggs please."

"Come down when you are ready."

* * *

After brunch, at Barbara's insistence, they spent the day reviewing material for her exam. Tommy had managed to convince her to have dinner at the pub, but instead of a quiet evening, she had demanded that they continue to go over more material.

"You need a break, Barbara."

"I don't have time for a break. Three weeks remember?"

Convinced that Barbara knew the material, but just lacked confidence, Tommy tried to reassure her. "You know most of this. All you need to do is revise a few of the technicalities that they always ask, and you will fly through the exam. You also need to rest."

Barbara sighed. "I'm not tired. You go to bed if you want to."

"It's not that. I am worried about you."

"Why?"

Tommy frowned. "Because I care. I got you into this, but I never meant to stress you by it. You can function today after a decent night's sleep, but if you go back to being exhausted, you won't be able to think properly. Don't tire yourself by studying too much."

His sergeant gave him a defiant look then nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I'm just..." She shrugged.

"Scared you won't sleep well?" She nodded. "Then we just have to make sure you do."

"What, by sleeping with me every night until the exam?" she said sarcastically.

"Yes, if that's what you need." He ignored Barbara's widening eyes. "I will do anything you need to help."

A red-faced Barbara brushed past him. "Yeah, thanks, but I need a real solution."

"Meaning?"

Barbara shrugged. "I have to be able to function by myself. Last night was... lovely, but I can't develop a habit of only being able to sleep if you're there. That's... wrong. On so many levels."

"I see." Tommy fought his urge to be offended, or to blurt out his feelings. From her perspective, what she was saying made sense. "I don't think it's wrong as you put it, but I understand."

"You're right too though. We should call it a night. Thank you for today, it has helped."

Tommy nodded and managed an unconvincing smile. "Good. We can do more tomorrow if you're up to it."

Barbara looked around the room. "Yeah, ta. Well... goodnight, Sir."

"Nightcap?"

"Nah, better not. I'll see you in the morning."

He nodded. "Call me if you need me. I mean it. Don't lie awake for hours."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight." As she left the room, he walked to his cabinet and found his favourite single malt.


	3. Chapter 3

When Barbara closed her eyes and tried to sleep, thousands of unwelcome thoughts fought for her attention. She tried her left side, then her right before rolling onto her back. She noticed her clock had only ticked over half an hour when she heard Tommy quietly opening his bedroom door. She rolled over and buried her head under the pillow as she tried to expunge the memory of his embrace - the touch of his hands, the warmth of his body, even the smell of citrus and wood. It would have been so easy to repeat that tonight.

Three hours later she was still awake. Her body screamed for sleep, but her mind refused, instead reminding her of her failings. She sat on the edge of the bed and tried to concentrate on breathing deeply and clearing her mind, but as soon as she pushed one thought or image aside, another popped into its place.

"Bugger this!"

Barbara crept across the hallway to Tommy's door. It was ajar and inside the room, the light from the open window shone in a line across his bed. He was lying facing away from her. One arm was over the bedding that was tucked up to his chin. She had no idea why she had come over. It was not like she would wake him to talk, but seeing him sleeping was calming. Barbara crept into the room. After standing for a couple of minutes, she slowly lifted the edge of the blankets and sat on the bed. Tommy did not stir. She waited until she was sure he would not wake, then straightened her legs and pulled the blankets up over them as she slid down to rest her head on the spare pillow.

Lying beside him, she felt stupid. How could she explain it if he woke to find her in his bed? She was about to reverse her movements when Tommy rolled over. His arm slid over her body and he moved closer until his torso was against her hip.

"Mmm. I've missed you. I love you."

Barbara froze. She could hear the blood pumping through the veins in her neck. Fright gave way to panic, but as Tommy began to snore contentedly, both gave way to disappointment. Tommy thought she was Helen. For a few seconds, she wished he loved her, then her disappointment was replaced by sadness. Tommy would never again wake up next to the woman he loved. Tears welled in her eyes. In her sleep-deprived state, tears came far too easily. She had to escape, and quickly.

When she tried to move his arm Tommy gripped her hand before cuddling closer. "Do you want to make love?"

 _Bloody hell! No! Yes! No, of course not._ "Nuh-erh," she said trying to disguise her voice.

"Pity," he mumbled, "I think I would." To emphasise his point, Tommy began to sleepily caress her abdomen.

Barbara whimpered. It escaped her lungs before she could stop it. His hand seemed to burn across her skin, even through her pyjamas. She silently cursed her stupidity for coming over. Her mind raced as she tried to think of a way to escape without waking him. She rolled away from him, hoping he might let go. His body followed hers, and he snuggled against her back. His hips gently rocked against her bum. She might be inexperienced, but she knew enough to understand he was getting more, not less, aroused.

Before she could adjust her pyjama top, his hand was under it. It moved up and cupped the breast he had held last night and began to play. "Mmm."

"No," she said firmly pulling his hand down.

Tommy went very still. Barbara squeezed her eyes shut as if that would somehow stop the inevitable.

* * *

In his dream, Barbara was lying beside him on a patch of soft grass near a waterfall. They had eaten lunch and were snoozing in the summer sun when Barbara wriggled closer. The scent of citrusy hair wafted up as he rolled towards her. He suddenly had the urge to make love. His hand found the bottom of her shirt and he signalled his desire by stroking her tummy - the tummy that was carrying his child. He slipped his hand under the shirt and found her breast. He was pleased she had no bra on to impede him. Her nipple instantly hardened as he rocked it gently between his fingers. He was about to try to replace them with his mouth when Barbara chastised him and pulled his hand away.

"No."

 _No?_ He moved his hand between her legs to entice her to change her mind. _Barbara could not say no._ He felt her stiffen before rolling fractionally back against him. _She never said no in his dreams._ Her movement had given his hand marginally better access and he wiggled his fingers between her legs. _This was his dream, but his wife was uncharacteristically playing hard to get._ She moaned softly and released the tension in her thighs. He began to caress her, letting her know what he intended to do once those troublesome trousers were removed.

"Sir."

 _Sir? Barbara had never called him that in his dreams._ In that millisecond between sleep and consciousness, he realised that the body in his bed was not fading away. He cautiously opened one eye. Barbara was lying frozen beside him. He whipped his hand away as if it were touching an inferno. "Barbara! Oh, God, I'm so sorry."

He was mortified. What would she think of him? What had he said? Barbara moved away. "No, don't go, please. Let me apologise. I... I was dreaming. I had no idea." He put his hands on his head, his outstretched fingers digging into his scalp. "Oh dear God, what have I done?"

"It's okay, Sir. I should never have come in here. I know you thought I was Helen. I'm sorry that I stirred those memories up for you."

"Helen? No, I..." He debated whether he should tell her the truth. He inhaled sharply. "I dreamt I was starting to make love to you."

"Me?" She started to throw back the covers.

"Please don't run away, Barbara. Not now. We should... talk."

"I... making love to me? Not Helen?"

Tommy reached out and switched on his bedside lamp. He rolled back nervously. "You. Only you."

"Ohh?" She sounded disinterested.

The enormity of what just happened dawned on him. He had just sexually assaulted his best friend and work colleague. Then he remembered waking up last night with her breast in his hand. He had become a monster. He ran his fingers slowly through his hair. "I'm so sorry. So very, very sorry. I have nothing but the utmost respect for you and now I have... violated you."

Barbara started to laugh. "Huhhuhha."

Tommy looked up and raised both eyebrows. "I'm glad you think this is funny."

"It kinda is."

"No, it's not."

"If I had felt violated, your balls would now be next to your tonsils as you struggled to breathe."

Tommy winced at the thought. "Still, I have not acted as a gentleman. I have been brought up to be so much better than this."

"Forget it, M'lord." Barbara had a smile that he assessed was somewhere between bemused, and irritated by his self-righteous reply. She often accused him of hiding behind his upbringing and status when he felt threatened.

"But it's worse," he said in his most down-to-earth tone. "I have a terrible confession. It's troubled me all day, and now, after this..."

Barbara cocked her head. Her smile faded. "What?"

"Last night, I woke to find that in my sleep I had taken possession of your breast... I don't know how, or why, but..."

"Possession? You were asleep. I don't think you can take possession of something when you are asleep."

"Don't try to justify the inexcusable. And don't give that defence to the next rapist we arrest. You came to me for protection, and I took advantage of your vulnerability."

"Crap. I know where your hand was. I woke up and felt it there."

Tommy frowned. "But your hand was over mine."

"I held you there to keep the connection as long as I could. You were caressing me so gently and it... made me feel like..." Barbara looked down. "That for that moment, you were mine."

"I was... I am."

Barbara looked up at him and gave a half-smile. "Nah."

"I want to be."

She glanced down at his groin. "You think you do, but... we're both lonely, and so..." She shrugged.

"Being lonely doesn't mean I don't love you. If it was just loneliness, I could resolve that in other ways. The main thing is that I'm never lonely when you are with me."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"What? Being lonely?"

"No, the other."

Tommy was slightly confused. "Don't talk in riddles, Barbara, it's too early in the morning. If you mean did I enjoy holding your breast, then yes, I did. Very much. You have wonderful... Agh." Barbara's laugh forced him to continue. "And to answer your next question, I do want us to make love. You have no idea how much I want that, but it doesn't have to be tonight. I would never hurt you. Not intentionally. Certainly not physically and hopefully not emotionally. I know I have... before, but... I understand myself better now. I know what makes me happy... You. And I know that you need time to..."

He fell silent when she took his hand. Barbara began to stroke the back of it. "I don't want to work with anyone else. If I... if we... then... you'll go to your new squad, and I will... that's why I am studying for this stupid exam. I need you, Tommy. Don't... abandon me."

He smiled. She had finally called him by his name. Then he saw her tears. He reached up and wiped her cheek. "I can't abandon you, because I need you too. There are ways to resolve the work issue. It's more important that we sort out... this... us."

Barbara wriggled towards him then led his hand down over her belly and back to where it had been before. She clamped her thighs to hold it there.

Tommy was shocked. "Are you sure? I feel like I have pressured you into something you are not ready for. I am supposed to be helping you, not making everything worse."

"You're not. You're not the only one who has dreamed of us making love. I may never be brave enough again. I... we... need to know."

* * *

Barbara woke when her arm that was pinned under Tommy had lost all feeling. They were still naked. Her skin was still alive from his caresses. Echoes of his lips and tongue and fingers lingered. She groaned.

"Are you okay?"

She kissed his chest. "Better than okay."

"Mmmm, yes... me too. Far better. I want to do that again. And again... and again."

She rolled onto her back and pulled her arm free. "Yeah, so do I. That was... incredible."

Tommy ran his fingertip in a line from her neck to her groin. "Mmmm. Perfect. Did that answer your questions?"

"Yes, but what do we do now?"

He chuckled. "Whatever you want. I am keen to explore. Learn what drives you wild. I have already gleaned some information, but... there's so much more to discover. So many other positions to try." He kissed her stomach.

She playfully pushed him away. "I meant at work... and... domestically. And what if it's only a fling... or..."

Tommy moved his fingers back to her lips. "Shhh. Don't overthink everything. We will work it out. The most important thing is that we finally found each other. We can't go back, but we can face anything together. Now roll over. You should sleep."

"I thought you wanted... more." Her hand moved up his thigh. "Yes, you do. So do I, Tommy. Everything else stripped away. Just you and me. No barriers. No work. No title. No... history... no..."

Tommy's mouth silenced her with a kiss so loving that she thought her heart might explode.

* * *

 **Three Weeks Later**

Tommy paced the foyer like an expectant father. Finally, she emerged in the middle of a group of exhausted-looking officers. She shook her wrist. "Well?" he hissed as he took her elbow and guided her towards his car.

"It was challenging, but I knew most of the answers. Except one of the multiple choice questions about the distances officers should be from a member of the royal family when they are doing a public walkabout. I don't remember reading about that anywhere. It's the sort of thing I would have remembered."

"Was there an option that said it varies with the perceived level of threat?"

"Yeah, something like that. I picked that one because it sounded most logical."

"Then, I think you will pass with an excellent mark, my love."

"Did you speak with Hillier?"

They reached the car. "Yes. I don't think he was even surprised. He said when we were both suddenly at peace with the world, he had suspected we had become lovers."

"Cheeky sod."

Tommy laughed. "You will report to him directly, not through me, but we are expected to liaise and agree on how we split our resources. I told him that we would be happy with that arrangement."

Barbara groaned. "Me, working for Hillier? Great. The things I sacrifice for you, Tommy Lynley."

"I hope it is worth it."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Hardly a ringing endorsement, but I'll take it. Do you fancy the pub for a pint or dinner at Luigi's?"

"Neither. Right now I would like to practice joining our resources."

Tommy laughed. "No dinner?"

"I'll feast on you."

He drove as fast as he dared. "Hillier had one further stipulation."

Barbara groaned. "He would. What?"

"He wants you to keep your maiden name after we marry to avoid confusion."

"That's fair enough... Marry? Did you tell him we haven't even discussed living together?"

"The fact that you've shared my bed every night since you came over to study indicated to me that we already are living together." Barbara opened her mouth to speak, but Tommy continued. "And I don't want that to change. I was going to suggest legalising our arrangements after we knew your exam results."

"Is it contingent on me becoming a DI?"

"No, of course not, but I want to propose properly with all due romance."

"All due romance?" She smiled at him. "Softy."

"Actually, no," he said as he parked in front of his house.

Barbara glanced down at his trousers and bit her lip. "Hmm, your resources are impressive soon-to-be Superintendent Lynley."

"So are yours soon-to-be Inspector Havers AND Lady Asherton."

"You seem to have assumed something there, M'lord."

"Have I?" He grinned at her. "I will ask again, with all due romance, but can I expect a favourable reply?"

Barbara laughed as they walked up the steps to his door. "I meant you have assumed I will pass my exams."

Tommy's grin was almost painful. He had asked, and she had answered, but he would be true to his word. He had booked a trip to Paris. Where better than the City of Love to woo his future bride? "Now that's settled, we had better see to that resource plan."

"My resources are a bit hot and sweaty from that exam hall," she said as they walked through his foyer. "Care to watch me shower?"

He shook his head. "Yes, but I would prefer to help you."

Barbara gave him a deliciously salacious look. "Last one under the water has to cook dinner." She turned and ran up the stairs shedding her bag and coat.

"Why you." Tommy ran after her.


End file.
